Some days I wake up so angry I can barely contain myself. The expression “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” does not begin to scratch the surface. What is the source of my anger? Is it the state of the world? Is it man’s poor treatment of his fellow man? I wish I could say yes.
My anger is not generated by an external source. I do not get up angry at life or blame-things-on-someone-else garbage. The source of this occasional anger is me. I wake up angry. And, I wake up angry at me.
There is no anger management for what I suffer. There are no soothing words to spare me from my disgust and contempt for myself. My anger is well placed and well justified. I am the author of my anger. I am the water source of this salty sea of discontent. I am my own fountain of disappointment and dissatisfaction. I am at fault. Me.
On the rare occasion I confide these thoughts in someone else, they often say, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Well meaning words. Yet, when I hear them I think, “I am not hard enough on myself.”
All of us are treasure troves of opportunity and good works. All of us. Each of us. Every single one of us. Allow me the self-focus, but if other people want to squander what they have to offer – to themselves and the world – that is their choice. I do not want to walk that path any longer. I am tired of wasting my time and my talents.
Some people might think this an arrogant thought process. “Who is he that he thinks he has so much to offer.” Maybe it is arrogant. Maybe it is just being real with myself. Whatever the case, I know I can do better. That makes me angry. Anger can be a positive precursor to action.
My anger comes from a lack of self-actualization; that and the fact I understand the clock is ticking. Tick, tick, tick – away goes life. Ultimately, the only person who can change this is me. I am the author of my own happiness. The world owes me nothing.
If I want to drink the sweet water of self-satisfaction then it is up to me to do the distilling.
It is time for action.
Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
*Authors note: You might see this column pop up online in a newspaper, under the name Both Sides. I am publishing this column here first at CYInterview.com. For a bunch of years, I have been writing newspaper columns. Since my columns have received a good response on CYInterview, I thought I would share it with you. Hope you enjoy.
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